Just so you know, this isn’t a normal blog. I’m not here to whine about my parents or waffle on about how hard my life is. (If you’re reading this, Molly, no one cares that your mum won’t let you die your hair green.) I’m writing this because I’m fed up with all this “Nessie” rubbish. There is NO monster in the loch and I’m going to prove it. I love living near Loch Ness. It’s brilliant. But I hate all those stupid tourists with their cameras and their questions.
I’ve lived in Drumnadrochit my whole life so I know all about the monster business. The tourists come every summer with their cameras. The gift shops are filled with ugly T-shirts and figurines. But the worst of it is that some people actually think “Nessie” is real. I don’t get it. You have to be completely barmy to believe that a prehistoric monster has been swimming around in Loch Ness for thousands of years. I say you have a better chance of running into Father Christmas than the Loch Ness monster. I’m going to prove it once and for all.
3 May 2008
Operation “kill the fake monster” is off to a good start. I’ve started taking pictures of the loch everyday. I’ve also been researching past “sightings”. It’s pretty clear that all those pictures are fake. It’s not hard to take a photo of a dead log and make it look like a monster head.
7 May 2008
I’ve met the biggest nutter of them all: Charlie Wallace, the bloke who runs that “Nessie Shack”. He saw me taking pictures this morning and started talking to me about the monster. I told him it was all a load of rubbish and that I was going to prove it. He laughed and said something about me “hurting Nessie’s feelings”. The scariest bit is that he seemed serious. There’s something wrong when a grown man wears T-shirts showing a smiling green monster and talks about her feelings.
10 May 2008
There’s something seriously wrong with that Charlie bloke. He invited me to the Nessie Shack to show me some of the “evidence” he’s collected over the years. He has a whole bookcase full of files and photos. It’s really weird. I guess everyone needs a hobby, but he seems really obsessed.
Something pretty strange happened when I was there. While he was showing me his “research,” he dropped one of the files. When I reached to pick it up for him, he went completely mad. He shouted, “Don’t touch that!” and snatched it from me. “What is it? A love letter from Nessie?” I joked. Then he kicked me out! What’s going on?
18 May 2008
Charlie has some new pictures on his ridiculous website: nessielives.com. They show the “monster’s head” sticking out of the water. I know it’s a fake. It’s probably just a branch or something.
20 May 2008
I knew the photos on Charlie’s website were fake! Look at the photo I took and compare it to Charlie’s. He obviously doctored it to make it look like a monster. But what is it? And does anyone know what that weird mark is? It looks man-made.
11 June 2008
This is getting really weird. Charlie’s been e-mailing me! He wants me to stop my research. Why does he care? If he’s so sure the monster is real, then he shouldn’t care what I do. Is it just me, or is that a little creepy? My parents told me to avoid him and I agree. But I’m going to stop investigating until I get to the bottom of this mystery. Something’s fishy about this monster business and I’m going to figure out what it is!