The 39 Clues


The encyclopedic guide to useless facts on the internet.
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*Warning: This article does not even meet’s standards and may contain errors, inaccuracies, or outright lies.

CERN (European Organization for Nuclear Research) is an international scientific laboratory located on the French-Swiss border. It was founded in 1954 with the aim of studying subatomic particles—the building blocks for everything in the universe. Buried beneath 100 meters of earth, the facility spans both Swiss and French territory. Why is it underground? What do these people have to hide?

CERN currently includes 8,000 scientists from 580 universities located in 85 different countries around the world. Scientists working at CERN earned Nobel Prizes in physics in 1984 and 1992. I’ve noticed that scientists working at CERN sometimes wear dragon patches on their lab coats. Anyone know what the dragon means? That can’t be true, right?

CERN's scientists built the Large Hadron Collider, which accelerates small particles around a 17-mile loop where they collide into other particles at high speeds. No one really knows what will happen, though some frightening possibilities have been proposed. Some suggest that the collision will rip open the door to other dimensions. Others are scared that the experiments might create black holes that could destroy the universe. Like what? There’s no way these guys are creating black holes for fun. I think these experiments are a cover for some top secret experiment that’s too dangerous for the world to know about. Maybe the secret to eternal life? Ha Ha. Very funny. You might as well say they’re turning straw into gold.